I can't believe I haven't written about this month and I intend to correct that. Over the next few days, I will be writing about domestic abuse and using little-known pockets of domestic abuse to demonstrate how barbaric our system is and how subtle abuse can be.
My own grandmother, up until she died, was afraid of my grandfather. She would recount how he'd throw iron skillets her way-aimed at her head- if she displeased him. I learned the ways of men from the responses of women. If you left, it was bad. If you stayed, it was bad. I wish I could tell my grandmother now I've done better, and in some ways I have. But I've had trouble navigating this culture that says, "speak up, woman. Find your voice." and then when you DO find your voice, another way to stifle and negate your voice is waiting there for you. So, it's learn to tiptoe around men, and systemic violence, and it's "speak up, but if you speak we will punish you." And oh, my dear grandmother, your life was not in vain, for I have learned to use my voice and to speak up against abuses. I have grieved heavily in therapy. But I have been unfairly punished for taking a stance, for standing up for myself and against irrationality...against control and coercion, so I still have learning to do.
So, for the next few days, I will be posting on this topic. It's time we all do better.