Saturday, July 2, 2016

Of Pizza and Men

Well, now that you know the Chocolate Box theory of relationships, here is what I shared with A.N. Nonymous that got our wheels turning:
The emotional lives of men can be likened to a delivered pizza. Some have a pizza they will seductively open, waft in front of your face, let you smell it, let your mouth start to water in anticipation, pop a small bit  in your mouth and then quickly close the pizza box. Then they leave the pizza box there, distract you while you grow hungrier and hungrier, ignore your requests for just another bite (well, maybe they give you a crumb and TELL you it is a whole slice, leaving you confused and hungrier), and offer you a glass of water instead. Meanwhile, the pizza gets cold and you don’t want it any more. Well, maybe you remember when it was piping hot and think to yourself, “I can live on cold pizza for awhile” and perhaps you do. Or you try to reheat it in the microwave or oven. Perhaps you try to preserve it in the refrigerator. In the end, you wish you’d left when the pizza was hot and the dude wasn’t giving any away.
There are those men who have a beautiful pie they just won’t dress up and heat up. They just won’t. Sometimes they are pining away for their own old pizza they finished and that was good for awhile but now it’s long gone and they can’t stop looking at that empty pizza box. Ugh! Throw it away, dude! Don't let your own pizza grow cold and gross over an empty pizza box!
What about the asshole pizzas? A.N. Nonymous briefly mentioned assholes in his writing. Asshole pizzas present themselves as a gourmet, trendy, truly outstanding pizzas, but when you take a bite, you realize it is not gourmet, but something frozen and embellished with words, something like Jeno's or a generic brand. Or worse, it is not pizza at all, but  pizza rolls or tater tots. At any rate, there is nothing of substance and it's total false advertising and when you open your mouth to protest, asshole-pizza gets stuffed angrily down your throat while taking ALL of your great pizza. And then he demands more and more of your pizza so he doesn't have to go to the trouble of faking his pizza any more. NOT what you signed up for. 
Then…THEN there is the question of brand of pizza. Sometimes, when you are really hungry, you might settle for one of the standard-issue chain pizzas of varying sizes and qualities. Ok, and sometimes a frozen pizza, presented in the right way and with heart, can be completely satisfying.  But you realize that you, yourself, have taken the time and baked a whole gourmet pizza of your own, you, kept hot, appetizing, creative, satisfying, and tasty. The ingredients are fresh, high quality, and artfully placed. Not perfect, mind you, but honest and good. You have it to give. Still, you end up settling for the commonly available pizza far too often until…until….

In walks the big shebang, a pizza as hot and juicy and endlessly satisfying as yours. We are talking the most delicious pizza…like Garage Bar kale chip pizza served with a basil gimlet (my personal favorite). Artfully placed…satisfying…creative…juicy…interesting, for God’s sake! And the guy delivering it gives you whole pieces…you won’t go hungry. And it's REAL. He feeds it to you by the hot slice, nothing held back. It shatters everything you knew about pizza and how good it could be.

It is then you realize you could never go back to cardboard chain pizza. You realize you cannot have anything less than the whole pie, the good stuff, the one that makes your mouth water every time you see it, the one that makes you devour and savor and pleasure in every-single-moment, that makes you hum loudly, "mmmmmmm" and close your eyes in senses-satiated ecstasy.
 I want the whole pizza and I want to give my whole pizza.Life is too short for a steady diet of crappy or pedestrian pizza. I WANT TO SHARE PASSIONATE PIZZA and I will not live without it. 

Make your own passionate pizzas, and share with a whole-sliced lover:


  1. The key word, dear lady, is SHARE. You can't just take a mans pizza and keep yours for yourself. Perhaps some men jealously guard their pizza because women have taken what they wanted and then decided to just throw the rest away like it was never any good at all. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but it was MY pizza and giving it meant something to me. The giving of pizza should at least be treated with some degree of respect. At any rate, you've made me hungry. Have any chocolate?

  2. Always chocolate for you, A-Non! What you say is true. I guess that means we are either attracted to givers or takers. The takers are so oblivious...and you are so right about respect!! What if someone comes along, and INSPIRES you in every way, positively unlocks you, then leaves you like a patriot with no country! That is not respecting the pizza, not his own or yours. Treat hearts and emotional appetites with care, eh? On the other hand, it is hard to respect another pizza's no, or give a no to a pizza that is wonderful but like the pink-centered chocolate, just not for you. I'm hungry too. Chocolate pizza? ha! Chocolate AND pizza. And basil gimlets. And Moscow mules. Now there's another blog post...with pictures!


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