Wednesday, April 27, 2016

into the grieving

 Well, a few months ago a journey opened up for me...a journey into grief. For some time, years even. I have held back and distracted myself from this work, yet at just the right time the phrase, "grief as a spiritual path" took hold of me and shook me into Googling. I found  this article:

In my last marriage, I spent a good solid two years crying every day. This was not grieving, this was not spiritual work; this happened out of deep distress and despair. It was pure white-hot pain. Friends and family witnessed this pain, and I'm sure they felt completely helpless. Four years divorced, and despite ongoing turmoil, I am not distressed any more. Instead, I am just sad, and deeply disappointed in so many things that have transpired.
 So, inspired by the article, I  have committed to the path of grief as a way to spirit. I'm sure if I tell people I am committed to Everyday Grieving, they will  look at me like I'm delusional. Why would you WANT to grieve every day?
I will tell you why: healing. Denying my pain and feelings does not work any more. In a fabulous case of "what you resist, persists" grief comes marching in, no longer willing to be ignored, and the great thing is I can hold it now without the distress. As Terry Real says, "Depression freezes, but sadness flows and has an end." This I embrace as truth.
I am holding on to the belief that feeling these feelings and moving through them will grow me, open me, make me solidly compassionate. I hold losses of loves, losses of family, losses of dreams, deep disappointments,places where I am targeted and oppressed. I feel the pain of those who cannot connect or grieve. I feel the pain of what fellow human beings do to each other.  I feel the pain of separation from lovers, family,or friends. I feel the weight of my own failures.

I am a maverick...alone, and this is how it must  be. No one can do this for me.

Grief as a spiritual path...I'll let you know how it goes.

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