Monday, September 21, 2015

Michaelmas time

Michaelmas is coming, and the morning chill is accompanied by mist hanging on the ground. Later the day turns warm and we must peel off the layers of clothing we grabbed earlier to comfort us. This is a predictable yet entirely unanticipated aspect of seasonal weather.
Michaelmas is supposed to be the season of courage, of finding the strength to confront your inner dragons. This morning, I meditated on the fact that it is also that when a winter comes-in relationship, job, health, friendships-that I can trust myself to figure out what to do, and not allow anxiety to set in. i can rely on my own warmth and the strength of spirit to guide me. The cold does come to us,and sometimes even from us. My having courage will rest on my ability to trust that no matter what happens, I'm ok. Life is still good. Courage can arise from trust in my capacities and in spirit, instead of being driven by a compulsion to assuage my anxiety. Cold comes but I've been able to handle it! I'm not weaker than I was three years ago. In fact, I'm stronger.
Still, grief lingers and rubs her head against my shoulder, bruising me in still-tender places. I have dealt with her too, and strengthened those tender spots.
Despite being in touch with pain...I understand I can handle it. This is an act of courage for me.