Monday, October 13, 2014

By Definition

Two things:
1. Online dating is a funny thing. While I have tried it, met some really nice people, and had a good time, it just got boring after awhile. Or something. Others I know have a lot of success with it, some play with it and use it to just flirt, and still others roll their eyes when I mention online dating and usually have a funny story about a strange guy (and apparently there are a few of them out there-the nice guys often apologize for their fellow man's behavior). There is also this perception that certain sites are just "hook-up" sites and you will get different opinions about that from different users. So there is no one-size-fits-all description for online dating. That's my empirical data to date.
That being said, OkCupid does have this cool thing that appeals to the psychology student in me. It's a personality assessment based on your answers to the questions they give you.
Here is mine:

I was rather pleased with this assessment.
Here is one from a man just to give you an idea of the categories in which they place people:
This guy had a lot of "more" and a few "less" but I could not fit it all on the screen.
So take that for what it's worth. The logarithms that assigned those characteristics could be off, or they could be spot on and indicate a person's self-awareness or lack thereof (because it's there for all to see if you are worse mannered, less literary, or sloppy based on answers YOU gave) I think you have to answer a LOT of questions to get a lot of characteristics.
One thing I will say about conversing with people through sites like these is that you get bombarded with sadness. Hearing stories of how people have so deeply and casually hurt others is just sad. It is hard to hear the depth of people's pain sometimes.
By the way, I'm an I/E NFP if you are into Meyers-Briggs.

2. Subsequent relationships become defined by what I did NOT receive in my marriage, or, sometimes, relationships. I ask the questions of myself, go back through the incidents. No matter how mundane or innocuous, these were things that mattered then and matter now: would he come help me if I had car trouble? would he help me with the children's bedtime? would he value my family or does it have to be all about his? would he help with dishes or would he be critical? would he have a word of encouragement for me when I'm down? would he hold me if I had an unnamed sadness? would he hold me if he said something insensitive or unkind? does he apologize? is he comfortable with my having needs? would he ever just ignore me? does he support my interests and accomplishments or is he threatened by them? does he LIKE me? would he stand up for me to his mother? would he behave in every way like my friend? would he care for me financially? does he accept me for who I am or is he already making me his project?
Every day things. These are what I ponder.

“I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers." -Kahlil Gibran

Ok, I really have still been making stuff. Those kinds of posts are brewing...bear with me!