Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Messy Life



My fabulous realtor got me this as a housewarming gift. It is a good reminder for me to find meaning in the struggle. Because let's face it, life is messy. Sometimes it is messier than at other times.  As much as I'd like to keep my divorce/legal activities separate from the rest of my life, it just doesn't happen so easily. I try to keep my balance. The holidays are nearly here and so I'm trying to find my footing, get organized, plan some fun and social time, and keep up with laundry. The legal stuff does affect my hope. I so badly want to see the good in people and I don't want to give up.
Many people are counting their blessings right now on account of Thanksgiving. I am grateful, I really am, but sometimes I just want to grumble. 7 months no child support and a resistant ex, our mama rabbit ran away with 2 of her bunny babies and now the remaining two managed to escape too and it feels like I am in some sort of twilight zone with angora rabbits right now, my smaller children will be gone for Thanksgiving, the cats regularly shred toilet paper and then we have none, I'm stressed and not sleeping. I worry about money, obsess over rabbits, miss my kids.
But on the bright side, there is food in the pantry, the van is running well, my older girls will visit me for Thanksgiving and I will visit with my mom and stepdad, the piano is in tune, I made nearly 50 jars of hand balm that need labels and are to sell, I have been surrounded by so much love, I've started teaching voice lessons again, and I'm not too depressed to knit.
Finding equilibrium comes slowly. I suppose it takes awhile to re-route your rhythm after a particularly messy divorce. I haven't devoted much of my time to artistic pursuits, despite the fact that those things are so healing. Sometimes a soulful triage is called for: firstly, make sure the kids are ok and have what they need, secondly, survive (therapy, second jobs) third, rely on others and accept their support and fourth, have fun.
Through all this, I'm learning greater self-acceptance. It's ok to have a blog that talks about the good and the bad. It's ok to go through rough patches. It's ok to have a blog post without pictures. It's ok to have a life that celebrates the beauty of imperfection.

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