Sunday, November 14, 2010

Love is the Movement

The day after I posted about my struggles with depression (it comes and goes for me) I had two students come with a message written on their arm. They said they wrote it on their arms to remember teenagers who had committed suicide. There was such sweetness in their heart for the world, and sadness at the thought of such dark burdens.
There is something to be learned from them. I have had all kinds of reactions to my own depression over the years: judgment, pity, criticism, compassion, support. Things said like, "keep your chin up!" "Just be grateful for what you have" "get a grip!". I am sure there were many more things said that were inappropriate that I can't remember right now. I do believe that while those words ultimately hold concern and loving intention, most of them reveal how misunderstood depression is. Loving, accepting, understanding words have also come and have been a healing balm. It is outside the scope of this rather scope-less blog to educate about depression, and it is curious to me that I choose to write about it here. I do find some support here and it does make me feel better to know I am not the only one in the world who deals with sadness.
Most of the time my depression is pretty manageable. I try to have a holistic view of it as a spiritual dis-ease, and address it with therapy, spiritual work, exercise (not very consistently!), working on eloquently speaking my truth, handling my emotions (especially anger) and diet. This is what I do. I have tried different drugs over the years and so far they just don't work for me. For the most part my depression has more to do with my seeking, insecure nature than a desire to leave this life. For me, it can also be a gift that lets me know I am out of balance, ignoring a message that is important to my soul, or spinning so fast I disconnect myself not just from my feelings, but from the spiritual world. I know there are so many shades of gray though and many have deep, ongoing, painful struggles with the disease.
I was so touched by my students' love for those in pain, the reminder that depression is a serious issue,and it made me ever so mindful of how lucky I truly am.
I pray I can only continue to grow in finding compassion and loving acceptance of others.

1 comment:

  1. (((Hugs))) Depression is a terrible illness. I hope so much you find one day what you need. Until then, in the longing, and the not-quite-meeting, there is much beauty to be discovered, and turned into art, poetry, lamenting, compassion, truth.


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