Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Mother Load

Lately, things have become desperate on many fronts. First of all, there is the sleep front. Anyone who has been in the same house as a teething baby knows that you just don't sleep for the whole entire year they teethe. And then there is my husband. He is not sleeping either because we live in the Allergy Capitol of the World. And he has Allergies, with a capital A. When you have two not-sleeping people in the same house, living with at least one not-sleeping baby and a couple of other kids, and pets too, everyone starts disliking everything everyone else does. Last nerves are being popped off one by one. Of course, it all becomes my fault because I am the mother, and mothers are all-powerful that way (not to be confused with the kind of power that can get a child to stop what they are doing right now because you mean it and because you said so. That power is reserved for grandparents and neighbors ) From there it just spirals down into I can't do this anymore. I'm not cut out for this. I didn't sign up for this. I am not the right mother for these children. I quit.
And then I stuck there for a day. And the next day, And a week passes...maybe more.I started to become irritated, and would find my inner wellspring full of anger instead of the resources I need.
Thinking about this started because I've been on spring break this week. My goals were to clean house and wrap up a couple of projects, plan for school, taxes, and prepare for upcoming art fairs. Well, so far I've only cleaned house. For FOUR DAYS. Actually, four wonderful days. As I was cleaning my house, I started to notice something. Somehow, I was not feeling so stuck. I actually felt lighter, hopeful, joyful. I wondered how long it had been since I'd given in to joy like this? I mean joy...I can always muster up cheer, but joy is deeper than mere mood and does not rely on outer circumstances. It felt so good to accomplish so much.
Truly, I just needed room to breathe. I needed to take whole days to do nothing but blow bubbles and do dishes. I needed temporary relief from our hectic pace....time to just be the mother of this house.
And thanks to this cleansing renewal,  I like everyone again!

6 comments:

  1. Sometimes we tend to forget to breathe out, all week long we breathe in and take every thing that is coming towards us into our soul, it is nice to remember just to breathe out,drop your shoulder s and beep breathe threes times , this works really well for me.See if you can have a 10 minute power nap, up on the bed and eyes shut, while you recharge. love and light Marie

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  2. Very wise words,Marie. I wish I could be there to help you in some way. I have been having a bit of a rough time lately myself and I know just seeing a friendly face would help even just a little bit.
    Thinking of you!

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  3. lovely blog!!!
    i'm a feltartist and waldorfmama and feel happy on your blog....

    bye,
    filz-t-raum.ch

    sorry, my english is not good!

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  4. Sotrue, Marie...thank you. thank you, nicole...it really isn't that bad..I was trying to make light.
    Hopefully, next week will be better...love to all!

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  5. Good for you Angela! Sometimes it is so hard to find a moment to be still and decompress. Keep blowing bubbles. I love that picture. Thank you Angela. And Blessings!

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  6. There aren't enough days like this and sometimes I think when they come we don't know what to do with them.

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