Lately, things have become desperate on many fronts. First of all, there is the sleep front. Anyone who has been in the same house as a teething baby knows that you just don't sleep for the whole entire year they teethe. And then there is my husband. He is not sleeping either because we live in the Allergy Capitol of the World. And he has Allergies, with a capital A. When you have two not-sleeping people in the same house, living with at least one not-sleeping baby and a couple of other kids, and pets too, everyone starts disliking everything everyone else does. Last nerves are being popped off one by one. Of course, it all becomes my fault because I am the mother, and mothers are all-powerful that way (not to be confused with the kind of power that can get a child to stop what they are doing right now because you mean it and because you said so. That power is reserved for grandparents and neighbors ) From there it just spirals down into I can't do this anymore. I'm not cut out for this. I didn't sign up for this. I am not the right mother for these children. I quit.
And then I stuck there for a day. And the next day, And a week passes...maybe more.I started to become irritated, and would find my inner wellspring full of anger instead of the resources I need.
Thinking about this started because I've been on spring break this week. My goals were to clean house and wrap up a couple of projects, plan for school, taxes, and prepare for upcoming art fairs. Well, so far I've only cleaned house. For FOUR DAYS. Actually, four wonderful days. As I was cleaning my house, I started to notice something. Somehow, I was not feeling so stuck. I actually felt lighter, hopeful, joyful. I wondered how long it had been since I'd given in to joy like this? I mean joy...I can always muster up cheer, but joy is deeper than mere mood and does not rely on outer circumstances. It felt so good to accomplish so much.
Truly, I just needed room to breathe. I needed to take whole days to do nothing but blow bubbles and do dishes. I needed temporary relief from our hectic pace....time to just be the mother of this house.
And thanks to this cleansing renewal, I like everyone again!