I've been contemplating something I read in Women Who Run With the Wolves. I read this book about ten years ago and have come back to it over and over. It's to your psyche...your soul, what "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" is to your body. At any rate, the book was describing the not-beautiful. In my contemplation, I was able to access a place of gratitude for all the "not-beautiful" in my personal history, for every challenge ideally leads to deeper growth, or preparation for subsequent life experience, and hopeful appreciation for the truly beautiful. What a rich subject that is, as it involves themes of forgiveness, darkness, hope, painful growth....I just needed to read more, so I pulled out my copy of the book.
I could not, for the life of me, find where the "not-beautiful" was. But in poking around the book again, I found this quote: "You have to howl if you want to find your pack." Wow. It seems I've got some howling to do, and indeed have been howling here and there. This here blog is a howl. It got me thinking about my inner work. Lately, so many why questions have been coming. It's not the kind of irritated, inner-critic-flavored "why", but "why" with a searching, naive, childish, and even compassionate curiosity. "why am I married? why am I doing the work I am doing? why was I born this way?why do I do this, that, whatever....why why why??" It is an inner searching...for personal truth. It is a portal into deep work.
I read Women Who Run With the Wolves in my early 30's. Now that I am in my early 40's, I am going to re-read the whole book. It was so transformative to me then, and will help renew my commitment to doing deep inner work.
It's funny that when you are ready for something, truly ready, when you have made your peace with the not-beautiful and your true desires are nurtured, paths start to clear...people start to emerge...blessings come freer. I feel that for me, I am on the verge of this "clearing".