Saturday, April 18, 2009

Love inventory

Somewhere, sometime earlier this year, I read that one antidote to depression is gratitude. While I consider myself quite grateful for who and what I have, gratitude alone has not necessarily quelled the overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief and anger-turned-inward that are the hallmarks of depression.
However, yesterday, as I was coming out of the depressed funk I've been in all week, and started compiling an inner list of the things I absolutely love these days. It has everything to do with being the mother of a 4-month-old, and a 17-year-old. These feel like such fleeting ages to me. 17 is being obscured in the flurry and excitement of high school graduation and college plans. 4 months is just such an achingly wonderful age and wayyyy too short. Being a parent has been what has kept me from being the stay-in-bed-and-give-up sort of depressed. So, here goes...what I am absolutely, head-over-heels in love with these days:
-the dogwoods in bloom
-the way Davis curls his toes and looks at his hands
-the laughter of a ticklish 5-year-old
-the pleasure of taking a spinning wheel on the front deck and spinning in the evening light
-my husband buys flowers every week
-being in class helping children knit, then glancing outside to see the squirrels' extreme antics in their raids on the bird feeders, and beyond that, the happy, smiling faces of kindergarten children running outside (I get paid to do this??? Crazy. Cool!)
-the farmer's market- I could practically live there and will be this summer-my husband does massage at the Norton Commons market and I get to sit next to him and spin and sell yarn and any other wares I have available. Man, I am lucky.
-the fun of watching sisters grow up together
Ok, I won't make the other list, which includes such groan-worthy things as taxes, worry about the economy, worry about how we can pay for college, no time to exercise, extreme fatigue, and the maternity clothes that are still being worn. Nope. Those things are there, and I am still "in the land of the living". Awesome. (I've decided to start reverting back to 80's slang from time to time)

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