Monday, December 8, 2008

Husband

In the midst of all this waiting, this advent of torture, I had to go and have troubles with my husband too.
One of my dear friends wrote to me that one way to get the baby out is to share time with my husband, to think Valentine's Day or the day we met or some other sentimental loving time. She said to get in a mood where the room is "fairly shimmering with love". My heart melted when I read that, in a bittersweet way. Nothing in my interactions with my husband lately has been shimmering with anything except misunderstandings and awkward attempts at repair. It doesn't help when hormones naturally dictate that everything he says can and will be held against him.
"fairly shimmering with love"
For days, we had walked around, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to reach each other. I had sunk into discouragement and the hopes I had for my labor to be a "date night", full of joyful anticipation and loving support of each other.
But I have been selfish. I have let my wild emotions dictate the tempo and setting of our words. I have been needy and ungrateful.
Then, for some reason, last night I watched him as he put ornaments on the tree that he had gone and picked out for us, lifted Serena up to put them in just the right places, listened to Maddie singing in the background to the "24 Italian Songs and Arias" accompaniment CD. For some reason, some odd grace overtook me and I was able to simply witness. You know how you can be in the throes of relationship and completely miss "seeing" the other person? But after days of tension, I "saw" him. My heart softened and swelled with gratitude.
"fairly shimmering with love"
If only for a moment, the room was. Sentiment? Christmas lights? nawwww.
I love this man.

2 comments:

  1. ohhh. dear...I recognize that moment. I will pray that your two hearts stay in that beautiful place and that your child is born into it.

    Luna

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  2. I read this now and wonder how it was I so completely blamed myself...how alone I was in wanting the love...how I judged myself needy and overly emotional, probably because I was being told I was.
    If there is a man reading this, I hope you will hug your pregnant woman and love on her, and do not make her feel bad for being her pregnant self.

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