She says, "the willingness to let your heart be broken a million times, there is living in Love."
"The web of control and protection of and from love is very intricate."
"the more your surrender to love the more your heart will be broken. It's not like your heart gets un-broken...it gets broken more and deeper and there will be pain. So what? If your life is about protection from pain your life is about suffering."
"Love is free of conditions."
The pain we feel is about love reminding us of hurts, ancient pains of the child...so inherently deep in our bones. But it is also the removing of the crust...over that pain, we build protections, a cemented, hard shell of protection. It hurts to remove that protection. It hurts to retrain our brains to understand we are worthy. It hurts to open our hearts so widely that all possible scenarios fit into it. It hurts to stop needing so much, stop obsessing so much, stop being so anxious and just let love be. It hurts to give up our illusions of control and to find the utter softness of our hearts...the vulnerable surrender.
For this reason, love SHOULD hurt. It should absolutely help you drop your defenses. When we say, "love hurts" we are talking about loving someone who locks us into our shame and who reminds us of those times we were not loved, taken into account, seen, or heard. The fact that we were not seen or heard may have been blamed on us, too, with messages given that we were "not good enough". That is not love, that is repetition compulsion for both tormentor and tormented.
Real love transforms, and transformation, while ecstatic and beautiful, is also painful. And there may or may not be an end to that transformation. I think that is what we actually, really fear...our own transformation, our own shaking off of all those limiting biases that ultimately cripple us.
Perhaps, once we are steeped in myriad rituals of unconditional regard with a loving other, we learn that we, too, have something to bring to those rituals. We, too, can accept someone just as they are and bring something good to the table. We can find the spaciousness in our own hearts to freely give and receive love through surrender.